Saturday, November 1, 2008
what if we said what we thought, spoke how we felt, and loved with all our might, without fear, without reproach?
the older i get, the more i realize i'm not so good at pretending we are small of heart and small of mind.
yes, i'm feeling pensive and melancholy tonight.
spent the morning with a student, helping her write her college essays. they came out beautifully. not because of me, but because she IS beautiful and that's the only way that she can come across.
after she left, i went to the beach. i was craving the sea . . . i feel closest to the root near water. spent the afternoon with friends. it was lovely.
and now, i'm back home.
i'm on my balcony, typing. green tea in my favorite blue mug on the table, steaming, candle struggling to stay alive in the breeze. the sky is cloudy and it's cold as it's been raining off and on throughout the day. the moon, like my candle, flickers in and out of sight behind puffs of perfectly silver clouds.
my heart and soul ache this evening. i have a deep sense of longing . . . i confess i've spent tonight retreating to the corners of my mind and playing with the dark things there.
well, i can't delineate with perfect precision, but i can surmise, at least in part, that it's because peering into the stygian darkness of the abyss now and again makes the bright parts of my life seem more brilliant by contrast.