Saturday, November 1, 2008

IT'SBETTERTOSAYTOOMUCH,THANNEVERTOSAYWHATYOUMEANTOSAY


what if?

what if we said what we thought, spoke how we felt, and loved with all our might, without fear, without reproach?

the older i get, the more i realize i'm not so good at pretending we are small of heart and small of mind.

yes, i'm feeling pensive and melancholy tonight.

spent the morning with a student, helping her write her college essays. they came out beautifully. not because of me, but because she IS beautiful and that's the only way that she can come across.

after she left, i went to the beach. i was craving the sea . . . i feel closest to the root near water. spent the afternoon with friends. it was lovely.

and now, i'm back home.

i'm on my balcony, typing. green tea in my favorite blue mug on the table, steaming, candle struggling to stay alive in the breeze. the sky is cloudy and it's cold as it's been raining off and on throughout the day. the moon, like my candle, flickers in and out of sight behind puffs of perfectly silver clouds.

my heart and soul ache this evening. i have a deep sense of longing . . . i confess i've spent tonight retreating to the corners of my mind and playing with the dark things there.

why?

well, i can't delineate with perfect precision, but i can surmise, at least in part, that it's because peering into the stygian darkness of the abyss now and again makes the bright parts of my life seem more brilliant by contrast.

4 comments:

Cassy said...

Hey luv, I feel the same. It comes often, nature and people trigger it, taking me up and down. It can be a good place though, as you say, makes you realize what you have and what's important.

That "soul ache" - wow, I totally know it.

The Wandering Gentile said...

If we never check our reflection, how can we be truly certain that we are ourselves?

Neill said...

Although I know I've mentioned this to you quite a few times over the past few weeks - you write so beautifully. Wow. Another showstopper, banana.

Lana Banana said...

cassy: mi amiga, gracias por tus palabras y mas que todo tus sentimientos.

been out of pocket for a bit, but looking forward to cuddling up with your new posts this weekend.

cuidate!

gil: you sum it up so eloquently . . .

neill: as oscar wilde once said, "an acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into a real friendship."

at this rate, we're destined for something spectacular . . .