Saturday, October 4, 2008

CAN'TYOUSEEMYWALLSARECRUMBLING?


my dad died 20 years ago today.

i can't believe it.

two decades have passed since i last heard his deep, rich laugh,
since i last cradled myself in his arms with his large, rough, loving hands,
since i last smelled his clean, fresh scent, as he left to go to work,
since i last saw him tango gracefully across the kitchen floor with my mother,
since i last sat across from him at the dinner table, while he asked about all of our days' toils and triumphs.

twenty years of missed memories . . .

he never saw me
attend my first camp,
move from brownie to girl scout,
play the flute, or the cello,
celebrate my quinceanera,
date my first boyfriend,
cheerlead,
earn my black belt,
graduate high school, or college, or grad school,
buy my first car,
change my own flat tires (he'd have been proud),
get my first apartment,
or become a professional.

and he'll never see me
walk down the aisle,
buy my first house,
have my first child, or second, and, possibly, my third.

. . .

but where god takes away, he also gives back.

today is not only the 20th anniversary of my father's death, but also my niece's birthday.

happy birthday, jennifer leigh! i love you.

. . .

i love you both.

3 comments:

lisa said...

Omg that was beautiful.. I lost my father 14 years ago in August and I couldn't have said things like that better than you. It never gets better, right?? I still miss my father terribly.

Thanks for a good cry ;)

unique_stephen said...

What a lovley post.
My dad is slowly dying at the mo.
I talked to him for 2 hrs on the phone last night.

Lana Banana said...

lisa: thanks so much.

no, it never gets better, i'm afraid. i think about him quite often, as he was a wonderful man.

at least we have the memories, yes?

take care and thanks for stopping by.

stephen: i'm so very sorry to hear about your dad.

mine was taken from me suddenly in a car crash . . . and i don't know what's worse . . . there's just no "good way" to part with those you love, you know?

my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

cherish the time you've got, darlin' (i know you knew that already).