Thursday, February 28, 2008


i don't know if it's just the frame of mind i've been in lately or what, but . . .

i was watching tv and an olive garden commercial came on . . . a couple sits at a table, dinner a deux. the waitress arrives and asks them if they're there on a special occasion, going so far as to list possible situations.

"are you here celebrating an anniversary? a birthday? a promotion?"

now, why don't people ever approach ME and ask me stupid fucking questions like that, huh?

are you joking?


now, i hate to sound like an elitist bitch, but olive garden is hardly where one goes to celebrate life's major milestones.

it's not like it's urasawa, cut, melisse, matsuhisa, or saddle peak lodge!

it's olive garden.

i go there to celebrate a good manicure, a recent car wash, or picking up my dry cleaning . . .

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit (courtesy clay davis from "the wire").


ab said...

Can we celebrate our engagement at Olive Garden?

I'll put out, I swear.

Lana Banana said...

olive garden?

no, dahling, we're going to celebrate our engagement at hometown buffet.

i know, I KNOW . . . it's too much, but fuck it. i mean, YOU'RE WORTH IT.

Francis Stanley Pruett said...

Starbucks. Where my best friend celebrates the anniversary of his divorce by handing over thekids. Once a week.

"What's the occasion?" I could imagine the barista asking.

"My ex-wife's new boyfriend got a restraining order on me." I could imagine the answer.

Ah, the nexus of tawdry and cheap.

David Williamson said...

Just ordered series four of the Wire - only 3,000 miles across the Atlantic but a full year behind!

Happy memories of a Valentine's in an Olive Garden in 1998 (with about 10 other people!).

Lana Banana said...

oh my gosh, david, welcome! at the complete risk of sounding like a total sycophant, i have to say that i'm a huge fan of your blog! (a groupie, even.)

so, "the wire" . . . listen, don't feel badly that y'all are a year behind us. i mean, you know, america is a mockery of a superpower, but i'll be damned if we can't be a leader where it really counts: entertainment.

seriously, though, "the wire" is THE BEST show i've seen in a long, long, loooooong time. no, i take that back, it's the best show i've ever seen.

and hey, of course your memories of olive garden from a decade ago are good . . . you had ten people there with you to take your mind off the terrible spaghetti.

(i'm mean.)