SHE'SOHIGHABOVEME,SHE'SSOLOVELY

goat's milk=good cheese.

goat's milk=bad body lotion.

now, listen, I KNOW that i'm not in any sort of position to be judging others, but . . . i just got back from the voting station and there was this lady in line whose personal scent very nearly made me vomit.

seriously.

i could tell that it wasn't BO, though, that it was something else. it had to be something that she'd put on. so, i asked. I HAD TO.

"umm, m'am, may i ask, what is that you're wearing?"

and then she said, "goat's milk body lotion."

and then i waited for her to toss her head back and laugh and say "just kidding".

and i waited.

and i waited . . .

she WASN'T kidding.

"oh, it's lovely," i lied.

"thank you. i know it sounds a little unorthodox, but it makes my skin super silky," she offered, perhaps sensing my insincerity and disgust.

i didn't reply, but rather nodded and made what i am sure was an unpleasant, unforgiving face that said, "i've heard that elephant feces does the same thing, but you don't see ME running to sephora to pick some up, lady."

"unorthodox"? goat's milk body lotion? are you for real?

s&m, my friends, is unorthodox.

goat's milk body lotion is just plain gross.

and yeah, i know . . . i'm mean and i'm going to hell.

but hey, at least i don't smell like expired dairy.