peanut butter and jelly.
milk and cookies.
bert and ernie.
peas and carrots.
sonny and cher.
yin and yang.
vodka and i . . .
and, as i have learned in my line of work: embarrassing moments and teaching.
now, usually it's the kids who find themselves in humiliation's unforgiving spotlight while i stifle snickers and snorts in the shadows. but i, too, have had my fair share of mortifying moments in the sun.
ok, more than my fair share . . .
like the time i asked everyone to please pass up their
or the time i was sitting at my desk between two students, a boy and a girl, and i passed an SBD (silent but deadly) fart . . . and blamed it on the boy.
or the time i asked for
and the list goes on, including my newest:
second period. full class. 42 students.
it was cold. (yeeeeeees, it gets cold in southern california.)
i'd worn a poncho to school. (yes, a PONCHO. but it was a very cool, very expensive, very awesome poncho. it was NOT a speedy gonzalez, frito bandito, or chiquita banana poncho. it was a sexy beast, badass, but still keepin' it classy, professional poncho.)
said poncho got itself stuck in my crack sometime between first period and second period. (what can i say? i've got some weight to lose, ok? so, yeah, it got in there good, alright? i mean, it was on an expedition. lewis and clark style. i'm serious. maybe it was looking for unchartered territory. maybe it was looking for gold . . . or jimmy hoffa . . . or atlantis . . . or el dorado . . . or the missing minutes from the watergate tape . . . i don't know, but it was up there good.)
i didn't feel it. (no comments, please.)
cheerleader: ms. banana, come here for a second.
cheerleader: just come here for a moment.
cheerleader: just do it.
me: (walks over to her seat) what's up?
cheerleader: (giggles) turn around.
cheerleader: do it!
cheerleader: (pulls poncho from my ass)
me: (feels violated!) what the
class: (rolls around on the floor laughing, dying)
is it not bad enough teachers get neither respect nor pay?
clearly, gahd hates teachers.