Wednesday, February 16, 2011
i teach kids.
well, more often than not, they teach ME, but this aside . . . i teach kids.
i don't want to HAVE kids. you know, as in, birth them and bring them up.
that's right, i said it: i am 33 and i don't want to have kids.
forever, you ask?
more than likely. (if anything, i might adopt older children.)
and NO, i'm not infertile. NO, my parent's didn't beat me. NO, i wasn't molested or otherwise sexually assaulted . . . EVER. NO, i wasn't bullied as a child.
i am FINE.
i just don't want to have kids.
is this so hard to believe?
yesterday, someone--a person whom i love and who knows me well--got into a conversation about this with me. as teachers, we had a lengthy discussion about parenting (the good, the bad and the ugly) . . . which ended with our own feelings about procreating.
she--a beautiful, solvent and intelligent (emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially) woman in her early 30s--declared she is all but itching for children of her own.
i said i could pass. that if the planets aligned just right, then maaaaaaaybe, but that, as above, more than likely not.
this is what i got: "how can a TEACHER not want babies? i just don't get how someone who obviously loves children so much cannot want some of her own."
on and on and on . . .
it doesn't end there.
seems like every person i tell--man or woman--about my NON-desire is bowled over.
if i told people i enjoyed drowning puppies in my spare time, i could NOT get more damning looks.
a while back, i fell for an amazing man. i said to myself, "self, this is THE one."
amongst other things--and i'll be the first to admit that there were, indeed, OTHER THINGS--the relationship ended because, as he put it, "ONE DAAAAAAAY, lana, you'll change your mind. you'll want kids." he didn't want more children (he already had two from a previous marriage), but was 100% certain i WOULD.
i mean, fucking REALLY???
can i have tomorrow's lottery numbers while you're at your crystal ball, you fucking prick (note: he's not REALLY a prick, i'm just riled)?!
this is such complete, utter poppycock!
i guess i'm just stupid because i don't get it. i just don't get it. why is it perfectly fine for a man to say he doesn't want children, but sacrilegious for a woman to claim the same?
that's not a rhetorical question.