Saturday, August 30, 2008


going back into my classroom this past week, i got really excited about the coming school year.

(though, my custodian thinks i ought to spend less time at school. "miss, what time you leave last night?" "about 10pm." "what time you get here?" "about 6am." "what time you leave today?" "about the same." "miss!" "i know, i know . . ." "miss, you go now and take break. classroom is not leaving." ha! if he only knew that i merely give the APPEARANCE of dedication . . .)

in fact, i got excited not just about the new school year, but about my whole life . . . yeah, all of it, warts and fucking all.

i'm very, very pumped about the future!

i mean, i know i talk a lot of shit, but the fact is that i have a great life and much for which to be thankful. (plus, it's hard not to see things brightly given the wonderful, luminous balls of energy that come bounding in my doors every morning for nine months out of the year.)

this morning, i'm posting this brief list of blessings here so that later in the year when i start thinking i haven't got a star above my head, i can take a look at it, suck it up, and smile:

1. for my faith in god, even when i doubt, even though i live the most imperfect life of anyone i know. just feels good to believe, even when i question and fuck things up at every turn.

2. for my family, who simultaneously encourage and enrage, make me happy and sad, and who love me no matter how crazy or disappointing i get. especially for my mom (and i've said this before), who by example, has taught me to laugh and to find beauty and hope in everyone and everything.

and also because they let me love THEM . . . it's great to have others to love and who gratefully accept one's love.

3. for my friends (old: pbj, vic, jz and new: blu, gigi, tijuana; and so many others who i won't worry about not naming because no-one knows i have this blog) who like my family, give me unconditional care and love, and always see the best in me, even when i don't see it in myself.

oh, and they put up with ridiculous amounts of shit that NOBODY else would ever even DREAM of putting up with . . . word.

4. for this wonderful, imperfect body and mind, which, albeit slowly, i seek to refine every day.

5. for work, because it's a huge gift to be able to use #4 (and i have, possibly, the best job in the universe. in fact, it's so great that it's not really a "job". truth is, i feel slightly guilty whenever i get a paycheck . . . yes, i love it THAT much!)


Cassy said...

You're awesome! It's good to know there are folks out there like you taking care to give their best to kids. You have a great attitude and you are living a good life. You're smart to record the good things now, so that later, when stuff sucks, you'll be reminded it's all good.
Me fascinas!

Nicholas said...

Well I'm glad you're so bloody happy and thankful. Great. I got sunburned today. Badly as I forgot the suncream and in London we actually had a full day's sun. Worse still, there is noone to rub in the aftersun. I did howver squeeze a fantastic spot today. ne of those ones which really gush all over the mirror a splash of white pus. I'm thinking of submitting it to the Turner Prize. So, yes, something to be grateful for.

Lana Banana said...

christ, nicholas! there's only room for ONE gross, pessimistic writer on this blog, thanks!

having said that, let me know if you win.

ps: there was "a full day's sun" in LONDON?!?! you're pulling my leg . . .