Sunday, January 17, 2010


the bitches' cooking club met last night.

yes, i agree, i probably shouldn't be part of a group that meets expressly for the purposes of getting drunk and stuffing their collective face.

but it's only once a month, so i think i'm safe.

(uh huh, this is what addicts tell themselves, too. i know)

anyhow, it was delicious, loud, rude and funny.

fifteen women and more university degrees than you can shake a stick at, but no outside observer would ever have guessed we're a supremely gifted group given the topics we covered:

1) why bacon makes everything better. possibly even sex. (maybe THAT'S my problem. i clearly don't eat enough pork.)

2) how robert redford is still worth fucking, even though the skin on his face looks like shoe leather.

3) a lengthy discussion on heidi montag's new plastic surgery . . . the consensus was that plastic surgery is cool if A) you do it for YOURSELF and B) you're aware it won't make up for your lack of active synapses . . . no matter how big the implants.

4) 80s movies really are THE BEST.

5a) REEEEEEEAAAAAAALLLLLLLY nice furniture makes up for not having a steady, solid, solvent, sane, sensitive, secure, sweet boyfriend ANY DAY.

5b) we all wish we liked pussy as much as cock because then we could be lesbians and generally avoid dealing with the opposite sex.

and last, but not least, we need a new name.

"cooking club chicks", we all agreed, sucks.

so, if you have any suggestions, we'd love to hear 'em.


justsomethoughts... said...

that chicken is hilarious
and so are you
(ok. not in that order)

f---ing fantastic foodies ?

Lana Banana said...

thoughts: it's actually a turkey, believe it or not . . .

and yeah, i guess i'm funny . . . at least people are always laughing at me.

if this teaching thing doesn't work out, i know i've got a career in the circus.

as for the name . . . anywhere i can stick the word "fucking" or a conjugation thereof, is great by me.

i'll save the suggestions i get and then we'll have a vote. that's the american way. i'll ask all 3 people who read this blog to cast their thoughts next week . . .

ps: checked out your writing and you're not so much funny, as you are fab.

powdergirl said...

" Simmering Bitches "

It's got some kinda sexy/dangerous ring to it, no?

fingers said...

'The Self-Basters Society'...

Lana Banana said...

oh, jesus, this just opened a can of worms . . .

Cheryl said...

Great photo. Great conversation topics. Was surprised by H.M.'s surgeries as well, only because she looked great to begin with. But if it really does make her feel better, to each their own face. Now the lady trying to transform herself into that super scary cat woman, that's going too far.

Lana Banana said...

cheryl: or that "barbie" woman who is in the world book of records for plastic surgery . . .

it's bizarre TO ME . . . BUT . . . to each their own, as you say. it's their bodies.

i just think you may want to reassess the situation when you start blinking your lips, y'know?