Sunday, January 10, 2010


went to disneyland last night (yes, alone. i could have gone with a friend, but there's only one thing more pathetic than a 32 year old, single woman at disneyland and that's TWO 30 year old, single women at disneyland).

i live maybe 5 minutes away, so i caved-in and bought an annual pass. figured i'd mix-up my cardio a bit and run around there. (ps: by "run", i mean walk at a brisk pace. if i actually ran, i'd have a heart attack. plus, i'd lose all the fat on my ass and then where would i be? i'd have guys pawing and jockeying for me and shit . . . and maybe i'd find a true soulmate, someone who would love me and see how funny and smart i can be when i'm not trying to be self-deprecating and emotionally distant as a means of avoiding further disappointment and rejection . . . and what? wait. oh, i'm digressing, aren't i? fuck.)

$439 later: i parked in the wrong parking structure, had to shove my way past stupid, slow-moving tourists clogging downtown disney's mile-long promenade, took the WORST ID photo ever known to mankind (is that me or is that me after i've been shot and left for dead, floating about in a florida swamp during the peak of summer? holy rotund face, batman!), got barf on my shoe from a little kid who happened to throw up just as i walked past (no, it's ok, these shoes are only $200 trainers), and sat next to another "single rider" on splash mountain . . . who felt it was important to tell me his whole life's story before the ride ended, even if it meant screaming over the voices of the animatronic characters.

but the coup de grace came while i was standing in line at indiana jones and the temple of doom and a person who, by their scent, i could tell had NEVER seen the inside of a shower, much less used one, stood SO CLOSE to me that i could have comfortably performed a physical on them. within the span of 5 minutes this person must have bumped into me at least 7 or 8 times. i thought they were trying to obtain carnal knowledge of me, which under most circumstances is fine, but not on this particular occasion.

today, i'm trying to figure out if there's any way i can cancel my pass 'cause, frankly, i pass.

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