Monday, March 24, 2008
(2008: la habra, ca. took this picture tonight with my phone, which is why it's small. i also added a "paint" effect. so, if you're asking yourself why it looks like a screen shot from a grainy 1970s porno, then now you know the answer.)
an experiment in goth?
some days you just can't win . . . i was actually trying to look sexy and "smoldering" with my new MAC make up, but instead i ended up looking moldy . . .
seriously now, like someone punched me in the face, huh?
i FEEL like someone punched my face.
this afternoon i finished and submitted my TPAs (teaching proficiency assessments, 1 and 2). together they were about, oh, i don't know, SIXTY pages worth of work! i'm exhausted. frankly, i think that rather than a trip out to the sequoias i'm going to take a trip out to my couch and sleep . . .
i should be ecstatic that i finally got that monkey off my back, but instead i'm in a pretty juicy funk.
i know, I KNOW, i'm an idiot. but i just can't seem to shake prj off. i mean, i'm really doubting myself . . . this is totally an exercise in "patheticness", but i really am having some sort of meltdown. maybe i AM an asshole. maybe i am a mostly bad person. or maybe not "bad", but just "fucked up" . . . what's killing me is that if i am bad or fucked up, i'm not exactly sure what's bad or fucked up. and THAT is THE WORST. maybe prj was right and i'm fucked up and can't be fixed and i don't even realize it.
i feel myself hermitting again (yeah, yeah, "hermitting" isn't a word) . . .
fortunately, i can never say no to anyone, least of all my adorable nephew and niece who called me today to "request" that i take them to disneyland.
my nephew had his tonsils out last week and is apparently feeling better. plus, he and his sister are also on vacation this week, so i'll likely acquiesce and drag him and the other rugrat to the happiest place on earth later in the week . . . friday seems like a good day.